Love. The most confusing word in the world. It is vague, it has no explanation, and all consuming because it means everything.
Sidebar. Your love is not my love, and my love is not yours. They mean different things to everyone, and no one has to understand. Also, I am in no way a professional at love, so all that you read below is just what I feel after 24 years of life experience, a few bad relationships, 3 margaritas and a big batch of brownie batter.
I grew up without a picturesque relationship to look up to, my dad passed when I was very young and my mom never remarried. When I got into high school I started watching the teen dramas, and romantic comedies and drew a frame for what I thought was a perfect relationship.
He should open doors for me every time we pass through a threshold, he should send me a sweet text every morning, and I better get flowers at least once a month. When we fight he should chase me, and even when I completely bury him in my severe daddy issues, he should find it charming. He should want nothing more in this life than to take care of me, he should think of me constantly, and then let me know he is thinking of me. He should write me love letters, and post pre-approved pictures of us with a completely repulsive love note for the world to see. All of the girls will be jealous when they see how he treats me, and nothing will make me happier. I want a fabricated love.
So that is what I got. I got the love that everyone understood, and the girls were jealous. They were jealous of an act, one that was free for observation. The kind of love that was everyone’s business because the only way you can possibly be happy is if everyone knows you are happy.
This love was what I wanted. Not what I want.
I now have A man whose love is unparalleled, and also not broadcasted. A man that can create a storm of passion for this life. A man who knows that his life with someone else is nothing if he does not have a life for himself. A man who does not need the acceptance of the public because he knows the only acceptance he needs is ours. A man who falls short sometimes in making me happy on Monday, but exceeds expectations of love and support on Tuesday. A man who challenges me to have an opinion of the world that I live in and not just be an estranged citizen going through the motions. A man who has dreams that move so quickly he cannot always keep up. A man who sees who I am in every angle of the world possible, and knows that changing me would be dimming the light that surrounds me. A man who is not afraid to call me out when I am in the wrong, or encourage me to go farther when I am right. A man that knows what he wants, and has stood by me in all of my indecisiveness. A man whom can keep my trust without effort. A man who thinks with his head, but allows me to enter his heart. A man who holds his ground despite the consequences. A man who wakes up every morning willing to take on another day by my side. The beauty of having a love that is defined by no one other than yourself, is that in the moment you choose to make it about no one other than yourself, you achieve a relationship with endless possibilities.
There are no guarantees. There is just what we feel. It changes daily, happiness, sadness, anger, excitement, these are just emotions. Every day, and every minute it will be something different. It will not always be because of the person you love. There will be fights, ones that have you screaming at the top on your lungs with no sign of air, and some that are so minute that you will be laughing at the irrelevance within seconds. You have days when you can actually feel the love and some days you just have to remind yourself that it is there. There is no ruler or model to outline the measure of love. There is no one situation that can determine the fate of a relationship. A relationship is a choice. One that you wake up every day making, there are no time-outs, no substitutions, just two people living life together. And we do not know. If we did then finding someone to spend your life with would not be so scary.
Know that there will never be a day when love is 50/50 or 100/100, it is give and take. 80/20. 60/40. Our days and our needs are never going to match, and this goes in any relationship be it work, love, or friends. Some days other people will need you more than you need them. That could be 100 days in a row. But on that 101st day when you need them, the role will change. That is what a relationship is. Giving and taking.
I have been in the same relationship for five years, and it has not been easy. If it ended tomorrow I know we would both be okay because we are strong and life goes on, and I refuse to believe that there is only one person in the entire world for everyone. But just because there could possibly be someone better out there is not a reason not to dive in head first. Dive in head first to every relationship. Dive in head first to every argument. Dive in headfirst to every day. There is no time in this life to do things half way. Take no regard for what your family or friends might think, just love relentlessly.
Find someone you never want to stop experiencing the world with, someone who has similar values, someone who challenges you, someone with ambition, someone who is never going to let the world tell them what is “normal” set a boundary for the way they want to live their life.
Find someone who can make the little moments turn into big moments.
And know in your heart that no matter how many “women-crush-Wednesday’s” they may post about you, there will come a day when things are not so easy, and you find yourself at a crossroad, one way will be hard at first but you will move on, and the other will be difficult and there you may only see glimmers of light. It may mean that there will be more crossroads, it may not always be cool times and groovy tunes. But no matter the relationship, this same crossroad will appear, and often times the decision you make will affect the rest of your life. If you decide to take the first path, I would like to go ahead and wish you a good luck, I know you will find what your heart desires. And if you decide on the second path, then congratulations, love gets to fights another day.